I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
