There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
