she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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