Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
