Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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