**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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