last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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