oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
