Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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