just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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