K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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