Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
