Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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