I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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