Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
