I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize