I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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