it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
