She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize