I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair