He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.