Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."