I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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