eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
