tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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