remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
