My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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