He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
