the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
