I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize