Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
