You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
