Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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