I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
