Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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