the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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