4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
