if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
