I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
