omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
