So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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