Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
