He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
