I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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