apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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