i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i've created a new STD.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
