My underwear smells like fireworks.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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