You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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