What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.