As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk