If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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