Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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