Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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