My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
