tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize