then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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