sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
