So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
