wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
