My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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