State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
