I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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