dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
